This year has been a bit of a shambles.
January: Gave up freelancing, largely due to the breakdown of a relevant relationship
February: Started a new job that turned out to be not at all what I wanted, left
March: Dropped by my publisher.
If I’m honest I can’t say I’m particularly thrilled about any of these things and I got through each one of them with the hope that a solution or an answer was around the corner, and then realised that it wasn’t. But I’ve heard that these things come in threes.
The first three months of 2019 have completely shaken up everything: my lifestyle, my finances, my career, my relationships, and then the book I’d been working on since October 2017. Writing a book is hard and I’m quite open about that, but it’s disappointing that it’s been given up on. My final manuscript deadline was due to be at the end of April and it was decided (and agreed) that we probably wouldn’t make that date. So it was cut.
My options are these:
1. Finish the book and submit it to different publishers in the hopes that they’ll take it on
2. Finish the book and resubmit it to the same publisher in the hopes that they’ll take it back on
3. Finish the book and publish it myself, managing the whole process on my own from editing to cover design to publication to marketing to potential stockists – everything
4. Ditch it.
Spoiler alert: I’m not ditching it.
The truth is that I don’t know exactly what I’ll do yet (at the moment I’m swaying towards self-publishing the book so that it can be exactly what I want it to be and for me to have complete ownership, which is quite exciting) but the only thing that’s concrete is that this book is going to be published.
Many things have gone wrong so far this year. But my career isn’t over and I can still fulfil my wish to be a published author. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to see my book in Waterstones, but I don’t know if it matters. At first it did. But now the opportunity to turn my book into whatever I want it to be is far more exciting: this is a brand new opportunity to write a book that I’m proud and passionate about.
I guess I’m more resilient than I thought, because it might have been a shitty year so far but I’m feeling stronger than ever. With every setback my don’t fuck with me attitude grows and to be honest, I’m becoming fond of it.