January

January. Chapter one.

The month I started writing about mental health – three years ago. I wrote my first ever mental health post on 5th January 2016 and to be honest when I look back at it now I feel a bit icky. Isn’t it funny how much we change and grow in a short period of time? Sometimes I look back at pictures that are quite recent really – a year ago, maybe two – and yet I still think to myself, why Han? Why that outfit?

Anyway when I last logged in here it was really because I felt I had to say something because I hadn’t for so long. There wasn’t really anything to say apart from the fact that I had no idea what to do with my blog and that loads had gone on over the past few months and I just didn’t really have any interest in blogging.

If I’m honest I feel like I’ve been a bit different over the past six months. I don’t really know how to describe it other than the fact that I started a business and coped awfully with the stress of it – I still need to learn to practice what I preach – and I suddenly thought the other day that I don’t really do any of the things that I used to love anymore.

I’ve worked in high pressure environments for a couple of years across a few jobs – and thrived in them, believe it or not. When it comes to the working environment, I like to be a bit pressured and work well in fast-paced environments. There’s nothing worse than not having enough to keep me ticking at work.

But this type of pressure is entirely different to the pressure of the struggle to pay rent on time, or direct debits not being paid because of late invoices. The guilt of debt. Tax.

I let this pressure get to me – I think I grew up too much. I forgot to have fun. I forgot that I actually really love to read, and write, and take photos and that I’ve spent a lot of time trying to prevent myself from getting bogged down instead – to end up bogged down anyway.

I took myself to my local Waterstones a couple of weekends ago and came away with four books – I was genuinely delighted. I couldn’t wait to start reading them. And then I started reading one book (which I very much enjoyed) and then put it down for a couple of days and – hey, guess what – I still haven’t gone back to it.

But I love the whole idea of a brand new year to kickstart a change. It’s a new year and there’s no better time to start again!

So this is where I’m at.

  • I miss my blog. I want to make more of an effort to get back into it.
  • Freelancing has been really hard for me. I might write something separate about that?
  • I’m going to read the books that I want to read.
  • I’m going to take photos again.
  • It turns out that I love cooking, so I’m going to do more of that.

This January is one of change – as it seems to have been for the past few years! It seems that with each January I get a little closer to where I want to be, and this year I’m hopeful.

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2 Comments

  1. January 16, 2019 / 10:36 pm

    Your photos are absolutely gorgeous!
    I really want to start fresh this year. I’m currently in the process of starting up my own little online shop on my blog. I’m also trying to do more of the things I love and I definitely want to take lots more photos.
    Clem xx
    http://www.clemloves.co.uk

  2. foreverseptember1
    January 18, 2019 / 4:28 pm

    I’d love to hear about your freelancing experience, as I feel like it isn’t talked about enough (I plan on going freelance when I’ve left university) so yeah, definitely something I’d love to read. I hope you’re doing okay nonetheless, try and let yourself have a sit down with a book and a cuppa at some point. Sending love!

    Lucy | Forever September

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