Been a while, hasn’t it?
I’ve been wanting to write a blog post for weeks but I haven’t had the opportunity – or motivation, to be honest – to sit and properly think about what I have to say. The truth is that I don’t have much to say at all. I find myself feeling like a fraud somewhat, having a mental health blog and being somebody that spent a lot of time talking about mental illness and trying to open up conversations and now finding myself well into recovery. It’s much easier to talk – or write – about mental illness when you’re experiencing it right in that moment. I’m not saying I’m cured forever and there are definitely times in which I still get anxious, but I just don’t have anything to say about it at the moment and that’s really hard. It certainly makes writing a book about it difficult.
Aside from this, it’s been a chaotic few months. I moved out of my parents’ home in June, then moved again at the end of July. Back in May I decided to go freelance and whilst it started quietly, I’ve found myself struggling for time over the last couple of months. I’ve wanted to improving my Instagram presence and spending more time with my blog, I’ve got a campaign with a charity that I’m supposed to have done weeks ago and, guess what, I haven’t. I want to be writing my book and I haven’t touched it in weeks. Managing everything at once is difficult and I feel constantly guilty. Please tell me others experience freelance guilt? If I’m not working, I feel guilty. If I am working, I feel guilty for putting a social life on the back-burner and letting relationships slip.
This isn’t a moany post. I absolutely love my job and I wouldn’t think about changing it. I created a website that I love and I’m excited every day to grow my business. I love our flat, and my friends are the best people ever.
I hope I will soon be more inspired to come back here with ideas coming out of my ears like I was at the beginning. In the meantime, I’m taking the pressure off myself because actually, I’ve done a lot lately. And hey, I’m grateful that I don’t have any recent mental health experiences or anecdotes to share right now.