I love my boyfriend to bits but sometimes he is literally the most annoying person on the planet.
1. Taking forever to get ready because he’s dancing in his pants.
And then he moans at me for taking forever? Hun, if you stopped prancing around we could have left half an hour ago.
2. His godawful impressions of you.
Facial expressions, tone of voice, the lot. The sad thing is he’s so much sassier than I will ever be.
3. Farting in bed.
UGH. Need I say more?
This is something that I absolutely cannot bear. I have lost so much sleep and spent nights on the sofa because of my boyfriend’s horrific snoring. If anyone has any rememdies, I’m all ears.
5. Asking the same question over and over until he gets the answer he wants.
‘Shall we get Dominos?’ No I don’t fancy it. *Ten minutes pass* ‘Shall we get Dominos?’ No I don’t fancy it. *Twenty minutes pass* ‘Do you want Dominos?’ GET WHAT YOU WANT. IF YOU WANT PIZZA, GET PIZZA. ‘Yeah but do you want pizza?’
6. Leaving his shit everywhere.
My room is full of his stuff, even when he’s not here. His shirts and suits and boxers and ties and dirty washing consume my floor and he’s completely taken over a shelf with old reciepts, train tickets and scrunched up bits of paper.
7. Is there really any need to be that hairy?
I have threatened to wax my boyfriend’s back in his sleep on many occasions but I don’t have the heart to do it.
8. Playing rubbish music in the car and singing unbearably loudly to it so that you can’t get a word in.
This ranges from rock to Moulin Rouge.
9. Being deliberately annoying or clingy when you’re trying to write or work.
I can only imagine what he’d be like if I did the same. Poking, prodding, singing in my face. Have you seen that video of the woman trying to film a resumé and her boyfriend dancing in the background in Batman underwear? That would be my boyfriend.
10. ‘Scratch my back.’
Every. Single. Night. I’m just falling asleep and I get ‘will you scratch my baaaaaack?’ According to him the basic needs of life are (and I quote) ‘water, food, health, back scratches.’