This is what recovery means for me

Recovery really is very different for different people. It totally depends on the individual and it’s a long – and somewhat tiring – process. Small things that may mean nothing to others have turned out to be huge for me, and it’s important to recognise that. Every single victory – small or big – should be recognised. So here is my brain dump on what recovery means for me.

Photo taken by Kaye Ford

Backing myself. Making a change. Acceptance. Understanding.
Going to London. Going out to eat. Going to the pub. Getting on the train. Getting on the tube.
Being part of a crowd. Spending the night away from home.
Tears of laughter. Tears of sadness.
Beauty in small things.
Empathy. Compassion. Kindness.
Presence. Dissociation.
Focus. Lack of concentration.
Sleep. Lack of sleep.
Dreams. Nightmares.
Feeling OK. Feeling rubbish. Feeling good. Feeling something.
Relapse.
Flashbacks. Sensations.
Self doubt. Confidence.
Shortness of breath. Breathing easy.
Triggers. Recognising triggers. Understanding triggers. Beating triggers.
Strength.

The shit is still there. It will be for a long while I suspect, but there’s less of it. It’s not as often. It’s not as harsh. I meet it with a ready stance and an accepting eye. It won’t ever catch me.

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6 Comments

  1. July 25, 2017 / 1:19 am

    Feeling something. Love, love, love it ! Yeah, fantastic. The best I can say is ive read it a few times now. Keep writing, keep sharing. All the best and take care

  2. Lauren
    July 25, 2017 / 4:51 am

    I love this! So raw and honest, and very relatable for me. You’re amazing, Hannah!

    Lauren // http://laurensjourney.com

  3. July 25, 2017 / 12:37 pm

    This is brilliant Hannah! You’ve definitely captured a lot of what I reckon a lot of people think when they think of recovery. It’s always going to be a difficult and sometimes seemingly impossible process but it’s definitely possible and definitely worth it!

    JosieVictoriaa // Fashion, Travel & Lifestyle

  4. July 25, 2017 / 8:24 pm

    Your blog gives me hope. Thank you x

  5. July 26, 2017 / 4:33 am

    You’re really brave for sharing this, thank you so much for being a voice on recovery. I totally agree; it can be somewhat tiring. A really long process that seems endless! I like how honest your words were (not sugarcoating recovery in the “everything is okay!” sense). Lovely <3 you are strong and wonderful! Keep going, sending you well wishes on your path. x

    Joanne | Life in Blue Skies

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