A Note on Doors

(TW: Trauma)

(I think this is going to be a jumbled brain dump)

We all have our very own door. Behind it is a complex construction of our emotions, thoughts, feelings, memories, chemicals that all make up our brains. Brains are both fragile and resilient; heavy and light; clear and foggy. Sometimes, all at the same time. But above all else, brains are powerful. They remember.

Particularly when it comes to trauma, the memory of a particular event – or in my case, feeling, as a result of an event – can be easily triggered by other people’s actions and, often, ones they’re not even aware of. Now this really isn’t ideal because it’s something we have no control over and we can’t expect people to walk on egg shells and be nice to everyone at all times. All I’m saying is, be aware of your actions.

Behind my door hides many feelings and experiences. Like feelings of being dismissed as unimportant – belittled, patronised – and being made to feel insignificant, small or useless. Unfortunately, these can come back into day to day life as people associate with them but what people don’t know, is the effect that this can have on somebody as a result of what they’ve previously experienced. Of course, it’s unlikely that anybody reacts well to this behaviour or the emotions it causes, but it really can have a detrimental effect. Straight away, I am taken back to a time in my life that I’d rather not be in. I hope this makes sense… It’s hard to get out

I’m not saying that people should be treated differently because they’ve experienced trauma or suffer from a mental illness, but what I am saying is that I just wish people were more aware of the impact that their actions or words can have. We don’t know what other people have going on behind closed doors.

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