At the moment I’m having a bit of an issue with balancing everything I want to get done. I work until five each day, come home, have something to eat and from then on it’s basically get as much written as I can before forcing myself to sleep and starting the whole process again. Getting enough sleep is something that I worked out to be vital for my mental health and is therefore a priority. Now, with the launch of the #TalkMH shop in just over a week, the pressure is on to have everything sorted in time. Then there’s general chat admin. Then there’s social media management and replying to messages and emails from people looking for advice or support. Then, amongst this, I must somehow find time for my family, friends, boyfriend and self-care.
So surely, you’re probably thinking, the answer is to write less posts. Take the pressure off myself, get the shop up and running, the event sorted, then come back to writing. Logical, yes. Realistic, no. For the thing is, I am constantly consumed by the desire to write. The whole reason for doing this was to write – everything else, all the other projects, well they’re just extras. But whilst I’ve decided to do all of these things, I will not let them be mediocre.
This added pressure I put on myself creates all sorts of stress and consumes all of my time but it’s the only way I’m happy with everything. I want to be able to do everything I set out to do, all at the same time, and it all to be amazing.
I was speaking to a wonderful friend this week about how difficult it is to get everything done in the first place, but to a standard I’m happy with – that’s a whole other story. Not being able to do everything at once causes complete frustration because this is my passion, this is what I want to do. When I can’t write, all I can think about is writing. I have a constant need to be creative and when I’m unable to do that, I am unhappy. I am not able to think of anything else. My friend agreed completely – he is creative, too, and the most incredible writer – so I know it’s not just me that experiences this.
I’m not really looking for an answer, I know I won’t change. I won’t put things on hold and I won’t stop writing – even if it’s just for a bit – because quite simply, I don’t want to. I will ensure that everything gets done and it will not, under any circumstances, be mediocre.