Recovery is not a straight line. Recovery is not a straight line. Recovery is not a straight line.
This week’s session was more difficult. I’m not going to lie about it, the whole point of this is to destigmatise therapy, as well as mental illness in general, and to give people an insight into what having therapy is like if they’re considering it themselves, so I’m going to be as honest as possible. After the last couple of sessions I came away feeling quite positive – exhausted but positive – this time, I was just exhausted.
Remembering traumatic events is hardly fun, and now we’re into the ‘proper stuff’ it’s pretty difficult to speak about some things let alone relive them. EMDR therapy means reliving trauma – to an extent – and getting the brain to process it in the way it should have done in the first place. To reprocess, you have to relive.
I have to say though, learning about why I suffer from anxiety and what’s happening to my body when I’m triggered is very interesting. It kind of all makes sense now. If I’m being completely honest, there isn’t a huge amount I can say about this week’s therapy session. We covered some difficult stuff, it was difficult at times, ok at other times. I slept really well afterwards and expect I’ll sleep well again tonight. It’s quite exhausting – both physically and mentally – going through these sessions. It will all be worth it in the end and I can see improvements in my day-to-day life already, so it’s important for me to stick with this. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, there’s just a few barriers in the way at the moment. After I’ve conquered those hurdles, it’s onwards and upwards.