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Why has confidence and self-esteem become something so hard to attain? Why has it become something I merely hope I’ll get one day, like an Audi or a nice house?
I’m talking mainly about body confidence. This is something that has been affecting me for quite some time – it was one of the first things I wrote about on my blog – but recently, I’ve really been struggling. Body confidence is an incredibly important concept that I completely took for granted as a teenager. Now, this is an issue that directly impacts everything else in my life and is starting to affect me daily. I am unhappy with my appearance, weight in particular, which means very low confidence. This affects my relationship with my boyfriend, as well as my relationship with myself. The main thing I’m struggling with is that this is affecting is my mental health – recently my mum was like ‘Hannah, I think you’ve lost more weight’ and before I could even think of an answer I felt my heart rate increase and my throat close up and there I was standing in the kitchen brimming with anxiety.
I feel like there’s this misconception that thin = happy. If you believe this, you’re wrong. I am pretty thin and pretty unhappy about it.
‘So why don’t you just put on weight? Duh?’
Before you tell me to ‘eat a hamburger’ please consider the fact that I’m naturally petite and always have been, probably always will be, and even putting on a few pounds is difficult. Yes, this problem exists. I actually ended up in A&E last year after using (or attempting to use) protein shakes to help me put on weight, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make anyway.
Having such low confidence and a constant anxiety trigger is having a detrimental effect on my mental health, relationships and general attitude towards life and to be honest, I don’t really know why I wrote this. It’s probably just a brain dump. I think I just wanted to let people know that just because I’m thin, that doesn’t mean I’m happy. Please don’t think that being thin makes you happy, because I can tell you for sure, it doesn’t. I think a lot of people think that if you’re thin, how can you have confidence issues? The reality is, it’s not about your size. It’s about your perception of your size. This is the point I’m trying to make – really, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of your appearance, it’s about what you think. And you know what? My body has been through a lot. I want to look after it from now on.
Is anyone else experiencing low body confidence? How do you beat it? I would really appreciate some tips on how to improve self-esteem and confidence!